em·pa·thy
Noun | The ability to understand and share the feelings of another.
There is no doubt that Coronavirus has quickly impacted our world in ways we never expected. All the disturbing news about this global pandemic is difficult enough without also having to deal with the sudden lifestyle changes and inconveniences it‘s caused. From school closings, to sports suspending seasons, to panic hoarding toilet paper, to OMGNOTDISNEYTOO, it’s impossible to avoid how our everyday life is changing.
Well, unless you’re Donald Trump. But that’s another story.
As if that all weren’t upsetting enough, the staggering number of people who openly and sometimes gleefully refuse to look beyond the immediate impact of their actions and be empathetic (not sympathetic — there is a difference) to others is scary AF.
Especially for people like me.
You see, I have Multiple Sclerosis (MS), so am one of those mysterious “immunocompromised” people you hear about being at higher risk for serious consequences from Coronavirus, just because we exist in the same world.
But I’ll bet you had no idea how to recognize one of us. So go ahead. Look.
You’ll see I am not one of the also at-risk elderly.
That I don’t “look sick”.
And that I could be the person sitting next to you at the movies. (Well, maybe a week ago.)
Now imagine the unintended consequences to someone like me when you say the world is overreacting to this pandemic. Or decide to take that flight that you've been advised not to. Or call the Coronavirus an elaborate democratic hoax. Or are loud and proud about “living your life how you want” … because you can. For now.
Sadly, these are not abstractions. A few days ago, I had the following Facebook exchange with a (now former) grad school friend:
Sorry you have to change your life for a few weeks, sweetie. But I’d really appreciate you not changing mine forever.
This rattled the optimist in me to be honest. Call me Pollyanna, but I don’t want to believe that we do not (and will not) care about each other when shit goes sideways like it has. I still have hope for the good in people before I assume the bad, and am grateful for everyone in my life who have been there for me, and I for them.
In reality, we must rely on each other to get through this pandemic, one way or another. Maybe what we really need more than anything else (well, except testing kits #doh) is for people to better understand what empathy means in our new world order. You know — how to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and comprehend a fraction of what they’re going through. I don’t need everyone to know the details of how MS impacts my health. I just ask for consideration in the areas over which they have some control.
I know we can’t all be Atticus Finch, but how hard is it to try?
“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.”
- Margaret Mead
Yeah. I know. I am asking a lot here. Empathy is such a misunderstood concept — often dismissed as being too “wooowoo” to be practical in our society. But I have faith in us. All of us.
When faced with a threat like Coronavirus that doesn’t care who you are, how privileged you may be (hello, Tom Hanks) or even where you live, it will be the small moments that allow our innate humanity to shine.
Like the quarantined Italian tenor singing Nessun Dorma from his Florence balcony. Or the cancelled Houston Rodeo donating all their unused food to a local foodbank. Or the “viral kindness” postcard campaign launched in the UK to support people who are self isolating and need help.
So how can we level up our own empathy practice and re-embrace each other at a time when we… ya know, can’t actually embrace?
- Social distancing really will help slow the spread of this virus. Just do it. Seriously. Look up #flatteningthecurve anywhere to see the very real science behind this.
- Contact (text, DM, Facetime, call, whatever!) both loved ones and people you think are feeling alone or worried during this time. You have no idea how much a quick “Thinking of you” means. Ask them what they’re feeling, and then just listen.
- So many people are moving their work online through Zoom video calls and schools are even using it as they transition to remote learning. But others are just using Zoom to connect with self-quarantined friends & share a chat or a beverage. It’s free, so set up a virtual “playdate” for you, your BFF’s and people you wouldn’t have interacted with otherwise.
- Find new ways to have fun washing your hands and share with friends on TikTok or other social platforms. Gloria Gaynor even did it to her own hit, “I will Survive”.
- If you’re self isolating, make sure to do something each day that makes you happy — no matter how small — and tell someone else what it meant to you. Self care isn’t just rose and bubble baths, baby. I personally love my curse word coloring book.
- And consider “unfriending” people who don’t align with your values or how you care about the world — both on social media and in real life. (Honesty, this is a good pre-election cleanse to consider anyway!).
It’s time to come together and push away from all the negative shit out there — including the people who won’t ever get it — and embrace the good that does exist. I’d even challenge you to create some of your own.
I’m in. Are you?
